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My Testimony in this Season

I think personal stories are how we all connect. How we know we are not in this alone. Though we may be in different seasons, with different things going on, we are all working toward the same goals. That is living the best life for God we can.

So here is my personal story at the moment. Most people know that I was married, went through a divorce, and am now remarried to the handsome guy below.

Waiting on God

Some people know, while other's don't, my struggle with having a baby. In my previous marriage, there was no protection from having a child for last half of our marriage. We were married for ten and half years, so you know the time frame. We were not keeping up with ovulation or anything like that. There are no logical reasons why we shouldn't have conceived though.

Whenever the decision to divorce came about, I was very thankful at that moment that we had not had any kids for obvious reasons.

When I remarried the idea of getting pregnant and finally experiencing that season of my life elated me. I was ecstatic about it. The anticipation of the whole thing was building up inside of me.

So we got married in October and went on our honeymoon. Coming back and the possibility of finding out that I got pregnant on our honey moon was definitely bombarding my thoughts. I was so sure that it was going to happen. But it didn't.

As we went into November, there she was. Mother nature was as faithful as she always was. She showed up like clock work. Then December, then I had two the following month. Then February. Then March. Then April. You get the point.

So, I got married in October of 2022. We are now in May of 2024. A year and a half and still not seeing two pink lines.

In December I did decide to go to the doctor and they said everything was fine. He went in January. Again, everything was fine on his end, also.

So here is my testimony in this season at the moment. I have prayed, I have cried, I have actually begged God to open my womb. I have physically done everything that I know to do. I am healthy, my husband is healthy. There is no reason why we should not have a child by now. But God.

My testimony at this moment in relation to this matter is that I am not pregnant. I have not physically seen the answer to my prayers. And even though I find myself very sad at times over the whole matter, God always brings me back to him.

In every season of waiting or test in my lifetime, I have found myself much stronger in the end. My divorce could have really broke me. And in the last years of my marriage, I didn't think I could bounce back. But I did, and as a result of it my walk with God became much stronger. I knew exactly what I wanted and from a result of the divorce. I wanted God.

I have found myself much stronger in the end

Now as I pray for a baby, I find myself pressing into God more. I'm not pressing in just so I can get what I want. Then my hearts motives would not be good, and pressing would be pointless. God looks at the heart, and knows every inch of it.

No, I press in because at the end of all of it God is the only thing that matters. This world will pass away. Items burn up. Houses sometimes burn down. Businesses can flop. People get sick and sometimes die. This is not the end for those who believe in God though. This is just the beginning.

So, as I walk this road of waiting on God, I press in. I trust that his timing is good. Maybe he is building my faith in areas that will be needed later. Maybe he is waiting for a child that is needed to be raised by Justin and me for a certain time.

Abraham had Isaac at a later date. Isaac had Jacob. Jacob had kids. All of Abrahams descendants were born at the right time. Jacob's wife Rachel did not have children for a while, but when she did they did some pretty great things. Abrahams descendants were born for just the right time to be brought into the promise land. That is some deep thought, but our God is deep. His thoughts go way beyond our own. Proverbs 16:9 says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps."

Have you ever seen a bratty kid? The one who gets their way all of the time? Most of the time these kids can seem entitled and don't always appreciate what they have received. Where the most of the non bratty ones seem appreciate the giver and the gift. I find this character to be desired one.

God wants us to have good character. I find him teaching me some hard lessons but in the end I do appreciate the strength that he is showing me I have through him alone. The scripture speaks of character.

Romans 5:3-5 says "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Life is going to throw us curve balls. Are we going to allow the curve balls to make us coward down and get off the plate because of doubt and fear? Or are we going to face the curve ball head on and knock it out of the park? Are we going to persevere?

Obviously there are going to be difficulties in life or Paul would not have said anything about perseverance. If there is difficulty that means there is a muscle in you that needs to be worked on. Just like in the gym. You don't go in there to lift the weight you could easily lift before. You go in to lift a little more. To allow the muscles to tear so that they can be rebuilt.

That is what character is . It is who you are, through daily pressing into God, and allowing him to work through you. To work on you. To work on your behalf. To help you die to the flesh, which is very weak. That is how heaven is presented here on Earth. Through a person who refuses to give up, and pushes through their fleshly desires, and to not give into the world. To refuse to allow Satan to tell you lies.

Your might not see the answer you want in accordance to your prayer at the moment. But character allows you to appreciate the answer way more when it appears.

One last thing that is on my mind. I don't think we should always wonder why. I'm speaking to myself at the moment. Why puts us on the leveling plane that got Eve into trouble. Satan told Eve that she would know good and evil if she ate of the tree. She decided from listening to the enemy that she wanted to know more like God. When in reality God was using what she didn't know to protect her from its consequences.

Maybe we should think about that. Contemplate rather you want to know the why in a situation instead of knowing the answer. Jesus. That answer is simple, without getting us all perplexed and confused and wondering what if. Just trust Him. Trust that Jesus is rooting for you on the right side of the father. Trust that God knows the timing.

God knows the friends and people that will need to surround the child I give birth to or adopt. Maybe those friends have not been born. Maybe the perfect spouse for them have not been born. Rather that is the situation or not, the ultimate, why actually pretty easy. It is God knows. I am going to continue to remind myself, and you continue to press in and remind yourself of this also.

Romans 5

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